Like Ripping Off An Old Bandage
by SwimmerNinja13
Summary: Cole has a history... and a lot of regrets. Feeling the need to apologize, he writes a letter to the person his choices have affected the most as he reflects on who he was and who he has yet to become.


**Hey everyone! So my brother (who I should clarify is in fact a fan of Jaya) challenged me to write a conya story. Now, if you've read anything of mine, you know I'm a huge Jaya fan, but I took him up on the challenge (sort of). This is honestly more of a slow burn story than actually romantic fluff. (I couldn't do it any other way, Jaya is just too amazing). This turned out to be a lot of fun though. I enjoyed writing characters together I'd never put together before. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

_Dear Nya,_

_I've been giving things a lot of thought these days, and I realized that I never really apologized for the things I did way back when. You should know, I__ hold you close, and I think the world of you. That's why I'm writing this, and I hope I get the courage to send this. So if you're reading this, I guess I did. Ever since we met, I've thought of you as one of my closest friends. That's why I need to tell you this._

Cole had always figured there was a reason Nya had seen him on the perfect match machine. They'd always been friends. They got each other. They were the two who made fun of cheesy plots in movies and jammed out to the same alternative music. There really wasn't much more to it. They were friends. That was that.

_But I'm confused. That perfect match match machine really messed with my head. I felt feelings that looking back I can now say were fake, and I let them get in between you, me, and Jay. For that, I'm sorry. All I really needed was your friendship._

Cole never really considered the idea of dating. Nya was just a little sister to him, one of his closest friends who by chance happened to be a girl. He'd been overjoyed for her and Jay when they started dating, and proud of Nya for becoming her own hero as Samurai X. She was cool but never material for something more.

_I thought I'd know love when it hit me, but I fell for the wrong thing. I was so confused, and maybe I still am. I should've never listened to a machine, but the idea of having someone like me felt too good. And I liked you too, I just never thought in that way._

Then the perfect match machine came into play. All the sudden, Cole's eyes were opened to all sorts of new possibilities. He'd never done well with girls. He'd even dubbed himself Mr. Friendzone in middle school. Now seeing Nya's attention in a whole new light, he found himself crushing on her.

_I've often wondered if I was ready for love, I still do, since it seems Cupid has yet to send an arrow at my heart. I wish there were some instructions, some way of knowing when and where my future wife will enter my life. And I know I shouldn't have encouraged what happened. In retrospect, I know you were about to tell Jay you didn't care about what the perfect match machine said. Then I had to come in and ruin everything. I'm sorry I caused so much drama._

Then he and Jay were fighting. It seemed both friendships with him and Jay and him and Nya were ruined. Nya made it obvious that she didn't want to caught up in this. She'd intended to never tell what she'd seen. Then Pixal blurted it out, and changed the entire friendship dynamic. Cole hated the drama, but he still couldn't shake the thought that maybe, he might actually like Nya romantically.

_I just really wanted a love of my own, and I tried to hard to make things into something that they were not. I grew up watching ballets that told a sappy love story, but what I felt then was more than a cheesy kind of love._

There was silence for a while after Zane's death. He started working as a lumberjack, away from the drama. He ran away, just like he did from boarding school. While away, he took the time to sort his feelings, to figure out how he really felt about Nya.

_The time I spent as a lumberjack really helped me. I realized that I'm still turning out, that the best of my life is yet to come. I grew up a little then._

His work helped him. He realized that he wasn't really ready for this. He matured in that time, and he started thinking about how he'd act with whoever he ended up with one day, regardless of if it was Nya or not.

_I was raised up thinking I'd know love by the fact everything would be extravagant. Sparks would fly. Birds would sing. It was quiet though. Those stupid fairytales we all grew up on fooled me. I didn't feel anything, and that scared me. So I decided to let it play out. What will be, will be._

The more he thought, the more confused he got. He felt that there must be something, but at the same time he just wanted his friendship with Nya back. He and Jay made up. He and Nya soon to follow. To him, it became like nothing ever happened, except for the guilt he carried around telling him it was all his fault. But, he and Nya were speaking again. He told himself not to blow it, to be just friends. He did. They were happy again.

_Then I became a ghost. You literally could have killed me then. But you didn't. You were the best friend I could've asked for, just talking to me. I was a little kid then, basically. I was so frightened. It seemed my whole being was shaken to its core. And you were frightened then too. I know how hard becoming the water ninja was for you. We both suffered changes we weren't ready for. We were both so naive then._

He's a ghost, and she's the master of water. She could literally kill him if she wasn't careful, but that won't ever happen. Instead, she supports him, hugging him when he wants to disappear for good instead of shooting a stream of water straight into his heart.

He supports her too. They're both going through challenges that rock their identities. In the weeks that follow, they talk, a lot. It feels good. Cole needs her. They need each other's friendship.

_But you grew up then. Something clicked for you then. Your fight against failure ended then. Once it seemed you were on a different playing field in life, I didn't know who to turn to. But for some reason, you kept coming and talking with me. Maybe I was foolish, but I thought maybe there was something there. I shouldn't have._

"I'm here for you," Nya says one night when they're up late pondering what it means that Cole has no reflection. Cole believes it. He can rely on Nya and really likes her company.

_You and Jay got back together soon after. It was true, you had grown up, and honestly, I felt left in the dust, never mind the fact that I really wasn't. I was really happy for you guys, I still am, but I just wished I had someone too. But who wanted a ghost? Maybe I just wasn't ready for love. I wasn't done growing up, and it would happen when I was ready._

Cole's confused. Jay and Nya were fighting. Then all the sudden, everything seems to click. They're making out. Cole smiles. He's happy, overjoyed, just like the first time they dated. But at the same time, his heart sinks. These past few weeks talking with Nya have meant a lot to him, but her feelings obviously aren't the same. It hurts almost, but he learns to move on.

_I had so much more changing in my life. Shortly thereafter, I became human again. The hugs I felt from you guys were so worth the wait. That moment felt amazing. And as I relearned how to be human, I was so grateful for your support._

He's not a ghost anymore. He can hardly believe it, and he's overjoyed to finally feel again, especially the hugs he receives from his teammates. He's missed this.

His first request is to feel water again. It's been too long. Nya shoots a line of water straight into his face and laughs with the rest of the team when Cole screams it's cold. "You asked for it," Nya reminds him.

In the weeks that follow, he spends his time learning to be human again. He crashes into furniture, and he enjoys the simple pleasures of taking showers and washing dishes. Stubing his toe for the first time again feels like breaking his foot, but Nya's right there to pick him up, mildly amused.

_When your parents returned and Wu disappeared, you never knew it, but it brought up a bunch of past grief for me regarding my mom. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad you finally had the chance to do all the things I did with my mom growing up, but it also made me sad. I miss her. She made me feel so special. She was so special, and that's why I felt special, because I knew her. But when Wu left, I felt I was the one who messed up everything._

Wu is gone. In the days after, the team is closer than ever, trying to figure out how to get him back. Kai and Nya spend time with their parents. Cole feels bittersweet about it.

He misses his mom and he misses Wu. Years ago, he and Nya commiserated over the loss of their mothers. Nya never knew hers, while Cole had. He was glad Nya finally got the chance to know her, and he wishes he could have that chance with his mom again. If only Wu and his mom could come back. They were the first to believe in him before he believed in himself. He's lost without them.

_Jay talks in his sleep, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. When the two of us went in search of Wu, he mostly talked about you. You guys really are a cute couple. I'm sorry I got in the way. It's all this junk about my mom and how much she cared for me. She gave me all her attention when she was alive. I was attention starved after she died. You were the only one who paid attention to me, so I took it too far and made it into something it wasn't._

Cole finds it entertaining how Jay talks in his sleep sometimes. They've been looking for Wu together for nearly a month now, and the adjustment to not being with the rest of the team has been hard on them. They're making it work though, and they'll see everyone soon enough, they hope.

Jay rolls over on his side, "Nya, I miss you. I wish our last date could've be longer."

Cole grinned and recorded Jay babbling nonsense as he continued talking on the phone with Nya in his dream. Smirking, Cole sent the video to Nya. "I think your boyfriend misses you" he captioned it.

Laying on his stomach, Cole ponders what Jay and Nya have. It dawns on Cole that he wants to miss someone in the way Jay misses Nya. He wants love. And he never really has had that before. He'd never loved Nya like that, just had simply been infatuated by her attention. He wanted something real.

_I think I need to learn how to better understand my feelings. Looking back, I'm realizing that attention is different than love. And we were friends, but that was all._

It's in the first realm when the idea that he may die is prominent that he begins questioning why he acted the way he did all that time ago. He wanted attention. It felt so good even though he knew going behind his friend's back was wrong. He was never really in love. He just wanted to feel in love.

_I said some really insensitive things because I no longer want to be alone. I was sick of the hurt. I only said what I did because I saw what maybe was an opportunity, but it wasn't. My feelings were all wrong._

"You've just got to do it, Jay! It's like ripping off an old bandage!" Cole smiled.

"Uhmm, did you just compare Nya to an old bandage?"

"Nice! Way to take all the romance out of it!"

Cole had never meant to make such a stupid comparison. It just happened. He'd been surprised, and, in truth, hearing Jay say he was going to ask Nya to be his yang had felt like ripping off an old bandage to him. It hurt, knowing there would never be any possibility with him anymore, assuming she'd say yes, which she would. And it also was freeing. It felt good to leave that part of life behind and move on to someone else, assuming there was someone for him.

_I was worried how we'd all end up when the Oni came. I wasn't looking, and all the sudden, you were carrying guilt for killing me, and I wasn't even dead. Now I'm here writing this dumb letter because I couldn't pay attention then. I told you it wasn't your fault, but then I continued joking about how you almost killed me. If I regret anything, it's how insensitive I was. Nya, I'm so sorry for that. It was never your fault. I shouldn't have made you carry that guilt for so long._

"Congrats, Nya," Cole finally tells her a day after the battle with the oni. He'd been on his way to get food when he spots the girl alone in the courtyard training. "On your yin-yang promise, I mean."

"Thanks," Nya grins half heartedly.

"Is something wrong?" Cole asks.

"Yeah, could I talk to you, actually?" Nya asks. They both sit down on the steps, and Nya let's it out, "I'm sorry for what happened two days ago. It was my fault, and I know the others keep telling me it wasn't, but it is. I made a stupid move, and I could've killed you. I thought I killed you, and I... I can't live with myself for it."

Suddenly, they're both crying. Cole had never placed any blame on Nya. He hadn't even realized that the others thought he was dead. He'd been generally miffed they'd left him behind, but that explained why, and why'd they were so excited to see him when he'd pulled up in his driller.

They thought he was dead, and that haunts him.

Finally, he dares to speak the words none of the others could. He knows that telling her it's not her fault again isn't going to do anything, so he goes deeper and says what she needs to hear.

"I forgive you."

_And I'm sorry I had to write this letter. I know it's going to bring up some old stuff you'd rather forget. I just needed to get this off my chest. I needed to tell you. Looking back, all my life, I've spent so much trying to love who I'm becoming. I don't like that. I want to love who I am now. I won't take back my mistakes because they're what shaped me, but Nya, I will apologise for them, since they clearly effected you. But I hope you're proud of who you are too, because of everything that's happened to us. Also, you should know that my proudest day was when your baby was born. I learned to accept myself through my flaws then. I learned a lot about feelings, true love, and how I felt._

"Well, how are they?" Cole asks. Himself, Zane, Pixal, and Lloyd are crowded in a hospital waiting room, starting to get anxious when Kai comes in, grinning wildly.

"They're great! It's a girl!" Kai answers giddily, "You guys can come in now. I can't believe I'm an uncle!"

Nya looks exhausted but happy as she sits in the bed, holding her daughter close to her chest. Jay sits beside her with an arm around her and the other on his baby's head, stroking her delicate fuzz.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming," Nya smiles.

"Cole!" Jay exclaims, "Come meet your goddaughter!"

"Goddaughter?" Cole repeats, stepping closer. Nya turns the baby, so Cole can see her face. He touches a finger delicately to her cheek, afraid to hurt her. An overwhelming burst of emotions wash over him. He swears he'll always look after his two best friends' daughter. The baby opens her eyes and gurgles, smiling at Cole. Cole smiles back. He wouldn't want this any other way.

_ I think I probably wasn't in love with you._

**Well, what did you think? I really intended for the ending of the letter to feel like a punch in the gut, so let me know if that worked.**

**The letter part of the story was inspired by Turning Out and Turning Out part two by AJR. They're both really good songs, although part two does have some language. I'd suggest listening to them if you want the full feel I intended for the story. Fair warning though, be ready to cry!**

**Thanks so much for reading, whether you've been reading my stuff for a long time or if you're a conya fan dropping in for just this. I may or may not have other stories updated soon. It's hard to say since college starts soon for me, but there will be something eventually.**

**Have a great day!**

**#God's not dead!**


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